It's no accident.

How can we know
if we have found it...
That "something" we looked for along the shore
summer after summer...
That "someone" we evoqued every time
stars shining above us mercifully....
It's no accident, I've fallen.
and mom always said to have some patience.

How can I figure out
if the place you now have in me
is temporary
don't dissappear on me.
...if this discomfort that I feel
this lack of oxygen when we kiss
is good for my health
is it ethical
is it morally correct
to crave you this much...
don't you give up on me.

is there an instructional book
for all that love involves?
If only I could find it
and follow it line by line
and walk in tipy toes and whisper
and make only gentle love
and quietly worship whatever it is
that you've brought to my world...
so as to not disturb it...
If only I could do all the perfect things
without trying too hard to impress anyone...
so that it likes me enough
to return in the morning.

If only I could pronounce
only the right words
and make all the right movements
and have you for me and allow you to see...
but am not so careful.

How can we know
if we have found "it"
what are the symptoms
if there's no contract, is there a cure?

If only I had keen vision...
or you had brought a big sign
that said "I'm finally here".
Then I would know, and stop searching.
Then I would know,
I'd stop jerking away when you come close.
then I wouldnt be afraid
to loose control.

But I don't
and am not...
this can't lead to happy endings...
fairy tale? me? dont we know better than that?
If only I were so naive.
get me away, I cant breath
I need my world in order
I want to keep on living in the waiting room
until the light goes off...
if you're still here then...

if you're still here then...

if you're still here then...

....then it's no accident.